Smoko At East Seaham Read online

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  ‘I can’t understand it. It’s been two days now. Two whole days! I called the Police, the newspapers, and Neighbourhood Watch. They’re all the same. All next to useless, the damn lot of ‘em!’

  ‘The Police, useless?’

  ‘Yes. They ain’t done nothing, nothing at all.’

  ‘But you don’t know that. You’re just guessing.’

  ‘But I haven’t heard anything.’

  ‘It’s only early days. You’re being unreasonably hard on them.’

  ‘I’m not! They should get off their backsides and get out there on the streets and do what we pay them to do! I should have heard something, damn it!’

  ‘Well I have.’

  ‘What? What have you heard?’

  ‘Oh, just a lot of computer stuff. You wouldn’t be interested in all that rubbish.’

  ‘Oh, I would. I would, Ellie? Please, please?’

  ‘Well, you might not have noticed but using my phone, I took pictures of the boys on the bikes, including a good one of the boy riding off with the bag in his hand.’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yes. Didn’t you notice?’

  ‘No. I was too busy being assaulted, wasn’t I?’

  ‘Anyway, as I was saying, I emailed the local Cop shop and asked if they were interested in the pictures I had taken – and they said yes.’

  ‘What, them little potty pictures, in that poxy little phone?’

  ‘Oh well, you never know. So I put the pictures in an email and sent it to the Police station. Mind you, this was after my friend in the USA had processed the pictures for me, chopping out the rubbish and improving the quality a bit. She was a big help. They turned out quite good really, better than I thought. So good, the Police recognised the boys immediately. Apparently they’ve been in trouble before, you see.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. Fantastic! I can’t believe it!’

  ‘Well, not a bad effort for a group of old tossers and techno wasters, eh?’

  ‘Oh, sorry about that. What about my shopping bag?’

  ‘They’re bringing it over later. One of the Cops just happens to live around the corner and has promised to drop it in on his way home at the end of his shift. Now that’s good of him, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, yes, of course. Er, they’re not all bad. What else was in the bag?’

  ‘Printer ink.’

  ‘Oh, yes, well, paper’s no good without ink, is it?’

  ‘And your bottle of port.’

  ‘Oh, my port.’

  ‘It’s alright. It’s still there. Your lotto entry’s there too.’

  ‘Phew! Thank goodness we got it all back!’

  ‘It’s nice to have mates, wherever they are.’

  ‘Yes. Yes, absolutely. Wonderful friends you do have, I must say. Er, perhaps you could show me how to work it one day.’

  ‘It?’

  ‘Your computer.’

  ‘Our computer.’

  ‘Yes, yes, our computer; ‘course it is. Perhaps I ought to have one of my own?’

  ‘Of course. I’m working on it.’

  ‘You are?’

  ‘Sure. As soon as I get my new one for Christmas, you can have the old one. You know, to practice with.’

  ‘Oh and what else have you got in mind?’

  ‘Well, I was thinking we could start a little computer club and invite a few of my friends to come here once a month.’

  ‘Oh, yeah’ (suspiciously), I don’t know if I’d like that.’

  ‘Oh, you will.’

  ‘Why would I?’

  ‘It’s pretty obvious, really.’

  ‘It is?’

  ‘Yes. You’d be getting computer training for FREE – wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Er, well, yes – I suppose.’

  ‘Good. I knew you’d like that. What say you get that port of yours out and we drink to it. With a bit of luck our marriage could just last another 50 years. Who knows what gadgets we could be using by then, eh?’